After a long time... and yes relations still are complicated!

I know, this title does'nt make sense! Well can't think of any right now, to be frank, this is the first time that I have written a title first and then the post, so if there seems a disconnect between the title and the post, you know from where that's coming.
Enough of the disclaimers... I have been away from the blog for so long, I was scared I might end up forgetting how to find it! Well, with a kid around, things are not easy, and whenever you do find some tiny bit of free time, you tend to sleep...this is the story of most new parents nowadays... sleep deprived parent... I must add ... It just makes me wonder how my mom took care of us when we were babies or toddlers for that matter... whew!
That brings me to another topic, Why are we so judgemental about everything, more so if there is a girl/woman involved. First of all, till things are not outright heroic, we tend to assume, that's simple .... everyone does it. I mean I never fully understood the complexities of being a mom and raising a kid, till I had one. I regret many of my outbursts targeted at my mom now... I mean most of the mom's are our punching bags... stressbusters. Dad's furious, boss is irritating, work pressure... study tension... you could take it all out on mom... But did we ever stop and think, how does she release her stress... and yes when she does try by getting irritating or edgy... we blame it on the age gap and tend to say ' Oh mom's are so nagging!'
If a wedding is called off, people so easily and quickly judge that it must be the girl's fault. I mean if the girl calls it off , then it is ; 'she must adjust' If the boy calls it off, then there must be some problem with the girl.
It could have been a mutual decision... or even if it was not, who are we to expect them to follow our belief's and thoughts. Are'nt they told enough to know what's good for them! Why this sudden outburst of soceital commitment and lessons in rightous behaviour?
The society was formed so that humans could live safely and lead a life free of chaos. Sadly, today society itself is one of the dangers. Be it honour killings, dowry deaths or plain mental torture of the 'log kya kahenge' phenomenon. If only we could ponder more before we talk and behave, things could be so different.

Friends- the best part of life!

So many hands in 1 tiffin box.

So many friends on 1 bench

So many calls on 1 b’day night.

So many tears for 1little fight….

Friends are the best part of your life…

I got this message early morning and it innately brought a smile on my face! This was so true. School and college remain the best part of my life… and I guess for many this holds true. What makes them so memorable are our friends.

Even today while reading the message, end-number of images flashed before my eyes. Though I am not in touch with them on regular basis – except for the social networking sites, it doesn’t matter. They just seem so close.

I still remember the tiffin sharing days. The days when you invariably liked what your friend bought in his tiffin-box. The days when many hands in the tiffin box never bothered you. These small things were an involuntary part of our existence at some point of time.

Even today I can vividly remember the numerous hilarious incidents, our favourite pastimes, incessant chatter, the stupid fights and countless days that we spent together, while I can’t remember a single day from my so-called professional and fast-paced existence to save my life! (apart from promotions and salary hikes, ofcourse!)

School and college life has a fervor and effervescent tapestry that makes it so cherished. Where else could you participate in interschool/collage games & cultural events with your friends. Chatter and spend long hours with each other while doing nothing. Go to competitions, just to cheer your friends while you had no business hanging around there?

Or when else could you gate-crash at a friends place or call them all over to your place and have a blast. Mid-night calls on their b’days or just take off for trips and treks in the monsoon. Party in meager pocket money. When else could you plan things in a giffy and doing anything was no BIG DEAL as long as your friends were along.

Then our life did not revolve around, appraisals, promotions, salary hikes, office grapevine or things life maid’s not coming, husbands busy, kids not well, no money, no holiday etc. Now things are complicated (or we have made them to be) and with fewer friends coming along, its even more difficult to ease out.

All I can say is… “Thank God I collected some amazing and truly wonderful friends on the way. They really make your life much easier in this crazy maze of life”

some unfulfilled ... and some beautiful dreams

Another wound.... another blow, that would take a long time to heal and even after that would leave some grotesque scars behind. The questions like why this happened? how this happened? Couldnt it have been avoided are all rendered meaningless. What is left behind is tearful eyes, helpless faces, broken hearts and mercy pleading hands! All directed to someone above us, who we call god!

Many dismiss such incidents as fate. Some lose hope and some lose belief. Whatever done and however we react, the basic feeling of loss is similar in all. They might be somebody for the world but for somebody they were the world, thou cliched is the only statement that resonates.

A sudden blow shatters your whole life and by the time you realize it, it is mocking at you reminding you that life is so fragile. It is unpredictable and unexplained. You could be a meticulous planner taking great care in everything you do but eventually it is just a card house that can be blown away at the slightest tremor.

Can there be a silver lining to this you ask, then you are happy that you spent time with them, collecting some beautiful and invaluable memories. Moments that then stay in your heart and pop - out whenever you seem to be missing them. Afterall memories are the only things left behind

Great news...

Today my sis results were out. She scored really well and was also one of the toppers in the class. I am extremely happy for her. She is a determined and focused person and while there were so many distractions and tragedies in the house she managed to ‘not lose’ her focus and fare well. I am really proud of her.

I am proud of her will and the way she remained determined in some of the adverse conditions that she had to face. I think her friends also deserve a mention. Currently they are the one who interact, support and trust her. I guess without a good friend circle she would not have been able to excel in her field as she has done now.

She still has a long way to go…. I wish her all the luck and support. And I also wish that she never looses the great friends that she has currently.

Woh bachpan ki yaadein! :(

Hmm... This is an after-effect of speaking about our childhood memories yesterday night! My cuz dropped by and as usual we sat up till late in the night chatting.

I don’t know how but we started talking about the good old school days and then there was no stopping it. We reminisced about the school days, the fun we had in summer vacations, the pranks that we played and the games that we enjoyed! Oh! Life was so simple and fun to live!

When we were kids, we couldn’t wait to grow up. We were bugged about the homework, the loads of studies and EXAMS! We always assumed that all this would be over once we grow up and then we could lead our lives on our terms! But now I know, it was just a matter of grass being greener on the other side!

Childhood was so much fun! Go to school- come back in the evening – enjoy your evening games- come back finish the homework and you are off to being yourself again. Plus you had so many holidays… and all part and parcel of your school life! Now taking leaves from office always seems like a distant dream!

The star attraction always was the summer vacations. A time for games, fights, trips and vacations with grandparents. My grandparents stayed in a small town, surrounded by lush green trees. Our gang of cousins was also pretty big and hence that added to the fun! I can’t remember any other time in my life when I was so carefree as then! The smallest and the most rustic of tasks gave us thrills. And the late night chats and snacks always left our servant a little more harried.

If there was a function in the family, then our energy knew no bounds! Our motto in life seemed to be having a great time as now when we hear all the funny and stupid things we did we really wonder, was that us! Then was a time when all of us met up atleast once in a year and yet had so much to talk and exchange that we always felt the time was short. Now it has been some time before all of us even had time to sit together and spend some hours together. There is always someone missing!

I guess those joyful days are never to return. We just will have to learn better time management skills and make the most of it.

Just something that criss crossed by mind

Was watching ‘Step Mom’ the other day. It had a scene where the mother is dying and for Christmas she presents her child with a homemade quilt that traces the child’s growing days by way of photos scanned all over the quilt. It had many tiny memoirs sewn in the quilt, right from a piece of the child’s most favourite dress to the image of first step that she took. It was very touching and a beautiful way to deal with death.

It made me think, had I known could I have dealt with the death in my family differently? There were so many things; so many days of my life that I shared with them. They all were so important in my life… All the little secrets that I shared with them, my growing up days that they witnessed, the immense joy that they bestowed on me, the assurance that they gave me every time while I took a new step, the bedrock trust that they showed in me, soothing my qualms – however small or irrational they might be – How could I ever have wrapped that all in something to show them I care?

I guess it was a good thing that I parted with them so suddenly. I could have never been able to see them in pain, struggling through each day and begging for death while death betrayed them. No! I could have never been able to stand that.

Now atleast I have all the good memories with me, stored securely that no one can tarnish. Bless them for making my life so fulfilling

Transfer?... Why dont you shift to North Pole!!

My cousin is getting married in a week and I am extremely happy for her. She seemed in a foul mood yesterday and on enquiring it was understood that her company - TCS, has refused to give her transfer to the place she wants!

She is an IT professional and all these major companies boast about their flexibility in allowing a person to shift to any of their regional offices. Some of the companies even have onsite flexibility i.e if the spouse is also working on the same platform or (whatever that is), then they are sent together for an onsite project if anyone has to leave. Many of the companies are even accommodating in terms of employing the spouse after they relocate; hence her reply was quite shocking and unbelievable.

What was even more irrational was their attitude. She had been following up for the past 2 months, asking them for a transfer and explaining her circumstances. What’s more, as per their (HR and project leader etc) instructions she even refused the onsite offer and now they tell her they cant accommodate her in Pune, but she will have to report to Mumbai!?!?! How weird can one get!

Did they not hear her when she was asking for a transfer to Pune, or they just assumed (looking at the map) that Pune- Mumbai distance isn’t too far!

I was surprised by the apathetic attitude shown by the officials, while all the other companies are interested in showing their employee friendly nature and curbing the attrition rate. When they boast about flexibility in location and loads of other benefits while an employee is joining the company, why can’t they stick to it?

I would have understood if they had said, we cant accommodate you right now as there is no opening, we can try in a month-4-6 months etc. It atleast shows that you are concerned about that employee and are trying their level best! This attitude where you don’t even revert to mails/calls hardly makes any employee propagate the company!

Some paradoxes worth pondering…

Was speaking with a very dear friend of mine. On the exterior, she has a great life – a perfect example of a thriving metro-woman. Beautiful, successful, handsome husband who is equally successful. They are one of the affluent families, with great social network… yet there was something missing. She yearns for a child of her own.

It hurts me to see her trying so desperately to fulfill her desire. She is not asking for too much- for maximum couples in India it’s just the next step after their wedding, yet its not so easy either. Endless treatments and doctors efforts have been futile. The couple is healthy and as per docs there are absolutely no problems for them to conceive, yet there is something not right. Some doctors have also said that it is their hectic lifestyle that is a major hindrance and some say it’s about too much stress and irregular habits.

I am no doctor and have no clue about the reasons, but she is my friend and an extremely good person, so it tears me to see her wish not being fulfilled. Their efforts have been tireless and the agony that she subjects herself too, as a part of treatment is just too much to bear. She doesn’t complain and her husband has also been extremely supportive all the while. She has also done all sorts of fasts etc that were told to her for a child and has also put a halt to her surging career to take a break and release herself from a hectic schedule.

Sometimes I feel like yelling out loud… telling her to stop all this, but then the hope that glistens in her eye every time when she is trying some treatment pulls me back.

Is coming to terms with ‘Adoption’ so difficult even today? I might not be the right person to say this, as I am not someone who is in the thick of this problem, yet it just bothers me that even the new emerging and progressive India that we are being ‘touted’ to be, cant come to terms with words like Adoption, girl child etc.

Children are even today, left at adoption centers doorsteps and the adoption centers are still struggling to find good homes for these children. Wonder when the stigma against adoptions be erased.

Are we too hypocratic or is it the fear that we might not be able to love the child as our own child? For now I just pray for my friend…..

Food for thought!!

And the lyrics go… “Tu dhoop hai.. cham se bikhar… tu hai naadi…oh bekhabar” from the latest hit “Tare Zameen par”.

The song always leaves me elated. A beautiful thought that says “you are special!” How I wish we could practice it in our daily lives.

Sadly, these days its very common of people racing in time to ensure they are at the top of corporate/business/management and god alone knows how many other ladders! When was the last time we stopped and said “you are special” to our near ones? We take our near and dear ones for granted… They are always there or they know it… no reason to say it loud!

But… wouldn’t we like it when someone tells us that we are special to them… or they like me!! Of course I would love it… then why do we end up being a miser with words… Hmm…some thing to think about!

Also, if everyone is special… why do we not help or atleast be on amicable terms with our colleagues/neighbours or any other acquaintance? I agree you can’t be great chums with everybody around you… but is it necessary to look down upon them or not behave rationally and politely with them?

I am not saying I am great at this or I have never flawed… but now I will try and practice as much as possible…. And this post will act as a reminder :)

My Valentine’s day :)

Well…It was just like any other day… Scrambled to office in time and worked the whole day… Returned home at the usual time – exhausted

Freshening up, I start thinking about what to cook for the evening… I know the mundane things that can easily distinguish you from being single, just keep coming to your mind one after the other!! :)

Open the dresser and voila… A cute little paper bag containing one of my Fav chocolates appear!… So, N actually thought of something… This was a real surprise!

Nothing too fancy or out of the world, but just enough to make me realize that I am special for him..
And then Life was as usual, where I cribbed about being exhausted and my dear N obliged by ordering a pizza and bread sticks :D

People and dates

It was my parent’s anniversary the other day; till a year back it was one of the most looked forward to dates however this year the matrixes had changed… Frankly speaking I hardly remembered it, when I spoke to my mom she was talking about the years gone by and I felt really guilty.

I had promised them a vacation tour on the occasion of their 25th anniversary, but now there was hardly any meaning left to it. After the phone call, I was thinking, was it correct that I should feel guilty? Is there a reason? The dates were memorable coz of the people, as it meant the world to people I loved.

If the meanings of those dates have changed for the very people or they are meaningless as the very people are not around, is there a point clinging to them.
The people or their very existence in my life would never change; they were and are my pillars of strengths.
For me these dates don’t matter, as I have realized that Life is very unpredictable. You never know if you would get another chance to tell them how much they matter to you.

Dhru

Never knew you would make such a difference in my life... Never can I explain what you mean to me... Just understand that you are really really special!

Now before anybody gets any ideas.... I am talking about my dear little sis... Surprised! Well, she is sweet and contradictory to popular beliefs where younger sisters are supposed to be a pain, mine isnt :P

A very studious , kind and funny person she is also very good at false pretenses... Looking at her nobody would believe that she can be the most naughtiest, craziest and stubburn when whims take over her!

It has been a fun ride with her along. A person with whom I can talk endlessly, discussing all my weird ideas. My alley in all the small things we planned to do, keeper of my secrets and my critic. A person who dreamt with me my dreams, who encouraged me to fulfill my dreams and someone who was right next to me while I was being scolded for the many things that I did ( the list of me being scolded and for what reasons is endless... so lets just keep it to this!)... Oh and how can I forget a crazy Harry Potter fan too!

I remember the rides that we had... first on my cycle and then on my bike, the spur of moment decisions to go visit bhel chowk, the last minute rush to book movie tickets, surprise gifts and chocholates I brought for her, and the sweet cards and gifts that she brought for me on my b'days ( usually would save her money for a long time to make sure she has enough to buy me something) or the funny waltz that we tried whenever we pleased!

This is a relation I will always cherish, with a special place in my heart! 'Thank U Dhru' for being what you are....